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Breakfast Meat

Biggie Smalls Breakfast

I know what you’re thinking: HOW DARE YOU, MARIE! How dare you leave us in period-induced hunger for the past calendar year?! I thought we wuz brovaries! My sisters, I apologize from the bottom of my uterus. After I came back from eating through Europe last summer, I was promoted at my work, then I got married to my Canadian boo (whose vows to me were lyrics from my fave tune “Tenderoni,” btw), and other wild, wild, wild life tings.…

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Carbs Italian Meat

The Lasagna Sandwich: A Carb Within a Carb

Greetings my menses maidens! When I think of a prisoner’s last meal request, I’ve often wondered if mine would be some sort of carb within a carb, like a turducken, but with starches. What sort of dish would meet those requirements? Several years ago, before diabetes and a Dancing With the Stars gig, Queen of Butter, Paula Deen, managed to achieve a most impressive feat: creating one glorious lasagna sandwich. She basically threw a giant piece of lasagna inside of…

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Carbs Cheese Meat

Scary White People Tacos

Happy Horrors, my sisterwitches of The Mystical Menorrhea! How’s everyone’s ovaries doing? Me and mine are preparing for All Hallow’s Eve celebrations. I’m thinking about finally dressing up in the costume I’ve wanted to since the late 1990s–a box of tampons, like Kelly Macdonald’s character did in the movieSplendor–but alas, that might be too obvious. Still, I just want to pay Halloween homage to our cherished Female Curse! Which brings me to this month’s Goddess feast, which is a quick…

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Burgers Meat

The Nutella Bacon Burger

Happy Period Day, everyone! Time to roll out the fanfare of cheesy carbs and whatever gluttonous pleasures you lovingly reward yourself with during your moment of bloodspill. Whenever it is my own goddess moon time of the month, I crave A BIG ASS BURGER. I like to call this ritual, “Blood in, Blood Out.” I’ll go to In-N-Out for some animal style or hit up a greasy spoon diner, it doesn’t matter. Red meat and melty cheese dance in my…

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