In this mortal life, many of us aspire to reach a smorgasbord of dreams and goals. Year after year I think about all of the wondrous things I aim to accomplish, such as having sex in a DeLorean and riding a Segway in Lucite stripper heels. While I have yet to complete these specific endeavors, there is one goal that I have indeed reached, all thanks to you, my coven of blood-gushing goddesses. Many menstrual periods ago, I invented a…
